Educational Article:On The Day You Were Born
On the day that each one of us is born, we enter into the world with so much possibility and potential waiting to be developed and uniquely applied in our world for all of mankind to receive and enjoy. At our time of birth, each one of us came here uniquely equipped and ready to learn, grow and develop into the marvelous being that we each truly are. We are each a blank slate waiting to be written upon and to be molded and crafted into the gift to mankind that is waiting for imprinting, growth and maturation. None of us have control over our early experiences and what we were taught and the positive and negative life experiences that awaited each of us. Most of us were welcomed into our world as the newest member of our nuclear and world family. We required total care in the beginning and we had to rely on others for our very existence. We were helpless, in one sense, and yet so fresh and powerful in another. We could get people to take care of us by simply making sounds and performing basic bodily functions. At the time we were born the following was true for us:
1. You loved yourself and your family;
2. You were born in full awareness of yourself;
3. You were intelligent;
4. You were creative;
5. You were untouched by your environment except through your relationship with your mother;
6. You were comfortable in your own skin and body;
7. You did not care if you were a boy or a girl or how big or small you were;
8. You had a great sense of humor;
9. You trusted those who cared for you and were around you;
10. You understood the language of your birth;
11. You were at peace;
12. You were happy and content;
13. You were directly connected to God;
14. You were in the present moment of time;
15. And you had no past to recall and to think about;
16. And you were a blank slate written upon by your parents and your experiences; and
17. And you had no prejudice or hatred or despair.
We all develop from this starting point and we all wind up at such different places which means that we each experience a unique pattern of growth and development and interaction with our environment. We learn new patterns from our environment and mostly from our parents because of our dependency on our parents and caretakers for our survival. Positive patterns include habits such as brushing our teeth, putting our clothes on and bathing, etc. Negative patterns include guilt, shame, anger rejection and a lack of problem solving skills, to name a few. We often find ourselves acting like our parents acted and we do not know why we are acting like that. These actions are often automatic and create situational difficulties that lead to a lack of coping skills and the emotional intelligence needed to resolve the current difficulties that we are experiencing. Often, we are using a childhood problem solving approach to solve an adult situation and this can have very deleterious results for us. We often automatically use the same problem solving approaches that our parents utilized decades before. These outmoded and outdated approaches often add to our problems rather than relieving them. We wonder over and over why we make the same mistakes even though we tell ourselves that we will not use the same antiquated problem solving approaches in our daily lives. We use these dysfunctional coping skills in our relationships, on our jobs, when raising our children and in everyd day coping situations. As our environment and lives change, so does the technology of problem solving and our hopefully our coping mechanisms.
Each of us carries on an inner dialogue or discussion most of the time. This self talk can be either positive or negative. To obtain positive self talk, it is important to focus on what you do well, what you have done well in the past, what your core beliefs are about yourself and what you are willing to try in order to learn and grow and to have more positive experiences to provide positive self talk. These positive experiences engender hope and confidence and resiliency. The negative self talk engenders fear, anger self loathing, poor performance and limited thinking due to the idea that something will be lacking in the end, no matter what you do. It is important to surround yourself with positive people or to learn how to screen out the naysayers and to be willing to see the potential that exists if we simply choose to embrace it. I will help you learn how to embrance positive possibilities and create positive life experiences. Once you put your creative possibilities and potentials into motion, all sorts of benefits begin to accrue and be mobilized so that you can reap the rewards of your efforts. There is no magic about the creative restoration process that you can learn and develop for yourself. However, you will begin to realize that this is your process and you can shape and mold it in any direction that you life. You can also do this in a relationship as well. At times, one partner is lesser motivated than the other partner and seems to hold the couple in a stuck and all to familar place. You can find groups and programs that will facilitate your growth and change. Programs such as 12 step programs, church and spiritually based programs, Mastermind Groups and other self help and growth groups can provide you with the tools you need to change your life.
Dr. John Garlock