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Can I Be Myself And Still Be Loved?


Education Article: Can I Be Myself And Still Be Loved?

Many people ask me if they can be themselves and still have someone love them for who they are.   I guess that is a universal question that everyone asks who is in a relationship.  Do we have to give ourselves up or change ourselves to be in a reciprocal and loving relationship.  Can we be loved unconditionally for being who we are and believing what we believe.  We are bombarded with advertisements that attempt to tell us who we should be and what we should eat, wear and drive, etc., and we can lose ourselves in the external influences that surround us and attempt to gain our attention and capture our belief and intention in our lives. 

If we dare to be ourselves, we are basically saying to the world that I value who I am and what I believe in and stand for and we do not apologize for being ourselves.  We do need to remain flexible and open to change and to feedback.  To be authentic and real is not an easy task in our society.  It requires strength, self awareness, self understanding, patience and a commitment to be the best that we can be.  That means that each one of us have to be willing to put ourselves out there for others to know, see and understand.  Sometimes, we meet people that are in our lives for awhile and when they leave we wonder who they really were and what they really wanted from us and from life.  There are people out there called posers and wanna be's who seem to be one way but who are actually someone else.  What do we do when we find someone we are interested in who is not who they say they are and are not who we want them to be?  Do we settle or do we treat them like a "fixer upper" and try and make them into what we want them to be?  If we do that, what do we really have?  Are we willing to change for someone else?  Can we turn a frog into a prince or can we turn a victim into a vixen?  It has been my experience that very few people change permanently for someone else.  I have come to realize that only true lasting change comes from within and from our own desire to change.  So, yes, you can be yourself and still be loved.  It is important to like and love yourself prior to having someone love you because we attract others into our lives that reflect our own beliefs, thoughts and emotions. 

It is necessary to make the commitment to be yourself if you are to truly live a positive, enriching and committed life that brings you joy, happiness and fulfillment.  I will assist you to find your authentic self and to assist you to translate that into a successful life with a committed meaningful relationship.  We cannot count on others doing it for us.  You can be loved meaningfully if you spend the time and effort to improve yourself and to find the quality person that you are seeking.  If you have already found your life's partner, you can join with that person to jointly work on self development as a couple and to manifest the life that you have only dreamed about.  Joining with your partner provides the energy and synergy of two people in the change process.  You can be loved, be loving and live a committed life with that one special person that appeared in your life to become your partner and that special person with you on the road of life.

It is important for each of us to engage in active self care and self development so that we have more to offer to ourselves and to others.  This can be accomplished in many ways such as attending 12 step programs, church or spiritually based programs, Mastermind Groups, or other self development activities that interest you.

John Garlock, Ph.D.

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